Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Costumes for the Bearded? No Problem!

Hello, hello, hello, beards of the world! Halloween is drawing ever closer and closer, and we hope you have your costumes ready! You could be any ole bearded thing, you know: a pirate, a bum, an amish guy, a werewolf, a dwarf, a bearded mummy... the generic possibilities are endless. The beard is a many splendored thing.

However, if you're looking for something more iconic to strut your stuff in this spooktacular season, let us make some very well thought out suggestions. ;)>

Billy Mays

Are you a bright and shining representation of the human race? Gregarious? Lively? Do you LOVE to shout? Then this is the costume for you.
Put it together: Powder blue oxford shirt, khaki pants, an ear-to-ear smile, and a well-groomed black beard. 
Optional: A bottle of Oxi-clean.

Al Borland

What could be better than traipsing through a Halloween party as the beloved Al Borland? Sure, you could go as a plain old lumberjack, but consider this an outstanding alternative. If anyone needs something fixed, you'll be right there, plaid, polished, and perfect. "Oh, what's that? You say your heart's broken, baby? I've got just the tool for that." ;)>
Put it together: Plaid flannel shirt, tool belt, various tools, jeans, and a rugged beard.

The Dude

So you were really set on being a bum, eh? Well, fine, we'll give you an option for that too. If you're going to be a bum, at least be awesome at it. The Dude from the Big Lebowski is your go to guy. After all, the Dude abides.
Put it together: dirty t-shirt, unkempt robe, boxer shorts, sandals, and going a week without showering or grooming of any kind.
Optional: A rug that really ties the room together.


Going to a fancy dinner party for Halloween, are you? Maybe you just love suits and are a little too fluffy to be James Bond? Consider the great Pavarotti in your costume choices! Not only will you look super classy, but randomly breaking into song will shock no one. You are Pavarotti, and you sing when you durn well please.
Put it together: A lovely three piece suit, (depending on your heft, a few pillows or a fat suit), snazzy shoes, and a voice like a booming angel.
Optional: Singing lessons from Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson. Yes, that's a real thing.

Chuck Norris

Get your guns and be an all-American hero. Or an internet meme. Either way, you'll look like a real man's man.
Put it together: denim vest, leather holsters, body oil, fists of fury, pants, and, most importantly, a legendary look in your eye.
Optional: a rehearsed catalog of Chuck Norris jokes - think how much more awesome you'll look once someone has talked about how there used to be a street named Chuck Norris, but they changed it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Zach Galifianakis

The one, the only, the awkward. If you thought we were getting epic with Chuck Norris, you just hold your horses, now. This is perhaps the most clever costume out there right now, and oh so easy to put together.
Put it together: sunglasses, t-shirt, shorts, roll out of bed 5 minutes before you head out for the evening, and a quirky yet lovable air about you.
Optional: baby, harness, baby sunglasses.

Zach Galifianakis Plus

Want to be Zach Galifianakis but have too many Fruit Loops and doll parts laying around? You're in luck, my friend, because this is your costume for the occasion! Just look at that sexy hair. You really can't go wrong with this. :)>
Put it together: all of the original Galifianakis necessities, doll parts, and Fruit Loops.

There you go! If you can't find something in those amazing options we've just given you, just go as our favorite: The Beard Face Fan. Head to and pick up Pirate Beard or Mystery Beard and your friends will be ripe with envy.

Until next time, you meddling beards! :)>

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