Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Beardless Halloween? Problem Solved.

Greetings, all you bearded and un-bearded! Halloween approaches! A few weeks ago we gave you a stellar list of bearded beauties to dress as for Halloween if you already had a nice lookin' beard, but this week is for the shaven ones.

You know who you are. You had to go to some wedding, or were at a bonfire and leaned in a little too close, and now the hairs on your chinny-chin-chin are goney-gone-gone. Don't worry, my friend. There is hope for you yet, for we know that every man (and possibly woman) truly wants a ravishing wave of locks upon their noble jaw. So here are our favorite selection of chin-wigs just for all of you. Wear them proudly. Wear them well. :)>
You're a wizard, hairy.

Hey, bro, sweet tat. Let's play Gamecube.

I'm so dastardly I cut this out myself.
Tarzan and I went to a killer toga party last night.
Undoubtedly the most flannel "Where's Waldo" we've ever seen.
The only thing scarier than this felt beard... THIS felt beard.
Speaking of "being a wizard, hairy", our Wizard Beard tees are on sale this week in honor of this most magical of months. Grab yourself a big ole wizard beard and a Wizard Tee and be the Beard of the Ball! :D>

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

That Pumpkin Needs a Shave

Why not shave a pumpkin instead of that handsome face of yours? Better yet, carve yourself a BEARD FACE pumpkin. That way, if some mischievous hooligans smash it on the street, it's just a tribute to its masculinity. It will have inspired manliness so strong and powerful that it was truly impossible NOT to smash. We would insert a "Smashing Pumpkins" joke here, but we'll let you just imagine how witty it would've been instead. We're giving you so much already.

Speaking of which, so that you can carve your pumpkin up right, today we'll be giving you a template to stick on your pumpkin and carve out so that you too can have your very own pumpkin of extreme masculinity. :D>

For your Beard Face Pumpkin, you will need:

A knife, for the carving.

A bag, for the insides.
A spoon/ hand, for the scooping out of the insides.
Tape, for holding the template in place.
A printer, for printing out the marvelous man-template we made you for your man-pumpkin.

Send us pictures of any bearded pumpkins you make to our email at and we'll post the best right here on our site! :)> Is the template we made too easy for your master pumpkin carving skills? Go check out our t-shirt designs for a more difficult challenge. We bet you that Pirate Beard would look pretty burly on a pumpkin.

For large, burly pumpkins:

For Medium pun'kins:

For baby pumpkins that are still very, very manly:

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Costumes for the Bearded? No Problem!

Hello, hello, hello, beards of the world! Halloween is drawing ever closer and closer, and we hope you have your costumes ready! You could be any ole bearded thing, you know: a pirate, a bum, an amish guy, a werewolf, a dwarf, a bearded mummy... the generic possibilities are endless. The beard is a many splendored thing.

However, if you're looking for something more iconic to strut your stuff in this spooktacular season, let us make some very well thought out suggestions. ;)>

Billy Mays

Are you a bright and shining representation of the human race? Gregarious? Lively? Do you LOVE to shout? Then this is the costume for you.
Put it together: Powder blue oxford shirt, khaki pants, an ear-to-ear smile, and a well-groomed black beard. 
Optional: A bottle of Oxi-clean.

Al Borland

What could be better than traipsing through a Halloween party as the beloved Al Borland? Sure, you could go as a plain old lumberjack, but consider this an outstanding alternative. If anyone needs something fixed, you'll be right there, plaid, polished, and perfect. "Oh, what's that? You say your heart's broken, baby? I've got just the tool for that." ;)>
Put it together: Plaid flannel shirt, tool belt, various tools, jeans, and a rugged beard.

The Dude

So you were really set on being a bum, eh? Well, fine, we'll give you an option for that too. If you're going to be a bum, at least be awesome at it. The Dude from the Big Lebowski is your go to guy. After all, the Dude abides.
Put it together: dirty t-shirt, unkempt robe, boxer shorts, sandals, and going a week without showering or grooming of any kind.
Optional: A rug that really ties the room together.


Going to a fancy dinner party for Halloween, are you? Maybe you just love suits and are a little too fluffy to be James Bond? Consider the great Pavarotti in your costume choices! Not only will you look super classy, but randomly breaking into song will shock no one. You are Pavarotti, and you sing when you durn well please.
Put it together: A lovely three piece suit, (depending on your heft, a few pillows or a fat suit), snazzy shoes, and a voice like a booming angel.
Optional: Singing lessons from Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson. Yes, that's a real thing.

Chuck Norris

Get your guns and be an all-American hero. Or an internet meme. Either way, you'll look like a real man's man.
Put it together: denim vest, leather holsters, body oil, fists of fury, pants, and, most importantly, a legendary look in your eye.
Optional: a rehearsed catalog of Chuck Norris jokes - think how much more awesome you'll look once someone has talked about how there used to be a street named Chuck Norris, but they changed it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Zach Galifianakis

The one, the only, the awkward. If you thought we were getting epic with Chuck Norris, you just hold your horses, now. This is perhaps the most clever costume out there right now, and oh so easy to put together.
Put it together: sunglasses, t-shirt, shorts, roll out of bed 5 minutes before you head out for the evening, and a quirky yet lovable air about you.
Optional: baby, harness, baby sunglasses.

Zach Galifianakis Plus

Want to be Zach Galifianakis but have too many Fruit Loops and doll parts laying around? You're in luck, my friend, because this is your costume for the occasion! Just look at that sexy hair. You really can't go wrong with this. :)>
Put it together: all of the original Galifianakis necessities, doll parts, and Fruit Loops.

There you go! If you can't find something in those amazing options we've just given you, just go as our favorite: The Beard Face Fan. Head to and pick up Pirate Beard or Mystery Beard and your friends will be ripe with envy.

Until next time, you meddling beards! :)>

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Beard : What a Wonderful Sound

Music is in the hair, my friends. Many of you probably have heard of a little Australian band called The Beards, but we're a little late to the party here at The Beardface. Our ignorance is your gain in this case, beardites! All of their songs are about beards, and they couldn't do the facial haired world more proud with the magnificence of their music. Check them out:

This little ditty is our particular favorite today and in honor of every wizard needing a beard, we're putting Wizard Beard tees on sale this week! Get your magic on and rock out with your chins out! :)>